Understanding Different Wedding Ceremony Types: Celebrant or Registrar?!

Photo by Robbins Photographic

Written by Roxy Hayde

If you’re currently planning your wedding, you might be feeling a little confused and overwhelmed at the many ceremony options available. Perhaps you’re not sure whether you want a celebrant or a registrar. To help you work out what’s right for you, one experienced wedding celebrant has demystified the possibilities by explaining the different wedding ceremony types.

Hello! I’m Roxy, a humanist wedding celebrant based in Brighton & London but serving the whole of the south of England. I work exclusively with couples who want something original and fresh, who don’t just want their ceremony to be the boring formality before the bar opens and the fun really starts. I create memorable, fun, one-of-a-kind ceremonies for modern couples who want to stand out from the crowd.

So, what’s the difference between a civil ceremony and one that’s celebrant-led? What should a good wedding ceremony even look like and include?! If you’re asking these questions and more, read on to understand what options are available for couples are trying to plan the most important part of their big day, but are unsure what it all means.

Let’s start with the basics. As a couple getting married in the UK, you have a few ceremony choices available to you: Civil, church, and celebrant led.

A civil ceremony

If you’ve been to a wedding at a registry office or a town hall, it will have been a civil ceremony where the couple have been married by a registrar. If you’ve had that sense of deja-vu… “wait…, haven’t I seen this exact same ceremony dozens of times?!” then YES, indeed, it’s a civil ceremony you witnessed.  

They are template driven, guided by a series of legally binding words that say very little about the individuals being married (…bar “insert couples name here”.)

THE UPSIDE:

-       They are legally binding.

-       You can include up to 2 readings.

THE DOWNSIDE:

-       They can be a real YAWN fest.

-       They give very little personal details about a couple. The big focus is on the legal wording.

-       You won’t meet the person marrying you ahead of time. You submit your requests and payment to the council via the website, then the person marrying you will show up on the day and do their bit before dashing off to their next wedding.

-       At 15 minutes long, they can feel a little rushed and “wait…was that it?!”

-       The content is very strict. If you have any songs or readings that reference anything at all to do with religion or the mention of God, you will probably be asked to change or at least modify them.

A religious ceremony

THE UPSIDE:

-       If you’re religious, then sure – this might be the right answer for you. Whatever religion you are, it means you get honour your beliefs to marry in a way that feels meaningful to you.

THE DOWNSIDE:

-       If you aren’t religious – which – let’s face it – 40% of the UK population aren’t (…and this figure is much higher among younger people that make up the bulk of couples getting married), then getting married in a church can feel a little inauthentic. And authenticity is pretty important on your wedding day. Some couples end up getting married in churches to appease family, but I’m a firm believer that your wedding should be about YOU and reflect your values, no-one else’s.

-       A church wedding is all about God. Much like a civil ceremony which is all about the law, there is very little space for the couple themselves and it can sometimes feel like they don’t even make an appearance!

A Celebrant led ceremony

The celebrant approach is something entirely different altogether. Especially a humanist celebrant-led ceremony.

If you want your ceremony to be totally unique, original and reflect you as a couple from start to end, then this is a sure-fire way of doing so.

Photo by Darcie Thompson

With a humanist celebrant led wedding, you can have the ceremony you choose, exactly how you want it – no compromises. With all the legal and religious stuff removed, there is so much space for the couple to really shine through. Want to write your own vows? Sure. What to add to a ritual or a symbolic act? Of course. Want to get married literally ANYWHERE you choose – on a mountain top, in a garden, in a barn? Yes, you can do that too. Want to find unique and interesting ways to bring friends and family members into the ceremony? Sure. Want a flash-mob, a Sister-Act choir, or your dog to be the ring bearer? Well, OK!

How it works:

When marrying a couple, I work with them for months beforehand to really get to know them and what makes them tick. I find out all about their values, personalities, relationship, lives together, future aspirations and what kind of people they are. We get into a lot of detail to understand what they want their ceremony to be all about – are they the kind of people who want something fun and light-hearted or something deeply romantic?

Armed with this information (and more), I go away and write a totally bespoke script that captures them and all the nuances of their relationship and the people they are. I make suggestions of things I think could work well for them.

Filled with personality, personal anecdotes and stories about them, the feedback from guests is always positive. That’s because the ceremony feels authentic to the couple, in a way that a civil ceremony and church wedding simply can’t. Or certainly, none that I’ve attended, at least.

This sounds great but we have booked a wedding venue that’s licensed. Does that mean we can’t have a celebrant lead ceremony?

No, you are free to use a celebrant regardless. Many couples who have chosen a licensed venue still decide to opt for a celebrant led ceremony. As celebrant ceremonies aren’t legally binding, you will have to do the official bit too. Most couples decide to do this at the registry office in a low-key way ahead of the celebrant wedding. But if you’re getting married in a licensed venue, you can even do it officially with the registrar on the morning before the celebrant ceremony in the venue itself.

The good news is, very soon it looks like humanist wedding ceremonies will be legally recognised. Watch this space!

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Humanist celebrant led ceremonies have never been more popular. So many couples are tired of the “been-there-done-that” ceremonies that they’re opting for a new approach. If you’d like to find out more – you’ll find me listed in the Book Of Love directory here!