The Un-Traditional Wedding: How To Update Outdated Wedding Traditions
An un-traditional couple sat in front of a peach and coral art deco backdrop. Photo by Nicki Shea Photography
There are plenty of great traditions to be had at weddings. From bouquet throwing to celebratory dances. But, there is more to some of our favourite “wedding to-do’s” than meets the eye.
These days, many of these traditions just don’t fit with the modern world, our lives or personal beliefs.
Let’s look at some of the wedding traditions society has held onto and how we can make them our own, (or, in some cases, get rid of them completely!).
The Hen or Stag Do
The tradition of pre-wedding celebrations specific to the men and women of a wedding party has origins as far back as ancient Greece. However, hen parties only really became popular in the 1970s in the UK.
These parties were usually a way of female work colleagues saying farewell as once a woman was married she was expected to give up work to look after the home, her husband, and any children they might have….. eeeew!
Thankfully, women no longer have to give up their careers to take on all the domestic responsibilities unless, of course, they choose to do so.
Of course, lots of people still like the idea of having separate pre-wedding celebrations with their besties but these days it is less likely that these events will be so strictly divided by gender!
Most people tend to have much more diverse friendship groups now! And, the traditional hen or stag do activities can be outdated and, sometimes, kind of lame… penis straws anyone?!
a mixed bunch of pals on each others shoulders at a festival
Today, it is much more common to have a joint pre-wedding celebration or night out with friends and family all socialising together. Make your celebration unique and true!
Why not invite all your friends? Party with your future life partner if you want to! And do something that you LOVE!
Wearing White
When it comes to weddings there are some pretty big traditions relating to the dress code - the biggest of which is probably what the bride “should” be wearing.
The tradition of the bride wearing white is surprisingly a super recent one.
Like most trends today, wearing a white wedding dress was popularised by one of the biggest celebrities of their day, Queen Victoria.
When she decided to wear white for her marriage to Prince Albert she started a tradition that many women still uphold today.
Before this though, our fabulous brides would wear dresses of any colour. We can imagine and this was down to practicality - but we love to think it was also a way to show their individuality.
Most brides wore dresses that they would be able to wear again or even ones they already had and as we all know white isn’t the easiest colour to keep clean. We see this coming back and we say ‘YES’ for sustainability!
Although many brides still like to wear a dress in a shade of white, there is a growing number that doesn’t feel comfortable wearing the traditional attire. These days it is quite common to choose an outfit that expresses your personality, whether that be a sequined gown, a tuxedo or a lycra bodysuit!
The most important thing is that you feel like a million dollars on your big day.
And, that feeling should apply to the person you are marrying and your guests too! When everyone is free to express themselves and wear clothes that make them feel amazing, it is sure to lead to a relaxed, happy atmosphere.
An un-traditional bride wearing a bright coral dress with a long train. Photo by Marta Ilardo Photography
Superstitions
Now, depending on where you are from and your family’s own traditions, the superstitions around a wedding can vary but a good few persist well into the 21st century.
Many can feel outdated, or simply impractical.
The old tradition of spending the night away from your partner before the wedding (or at the least not seeing each other before the ceremony) doesn’t seem to make too much sense these days.
This tradition comes from the days of arranged marriages when the couple were not allowed to see each other until the ceremony. It is also thought that this was a way of ensuring the groom wouldn’t get cold feet at the sight of his betrothed!
Most of us are already living with our partners before marriage, so you already know what you’re in for!
It is also often the case these days that a lot of people want to get ready and travel to the venue together as it is a great way to keep costs down if your budget is small.
That being said, if you choose to have this tradition at your wedding because it adds something special to you - do it and own it!
Another superstition that is still often adhered to these days is that of the bride having something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue to take down the aisle.
These items were there to bring our bride good fortune in her marriage (this is another tradition we get from those romantic Victorians).
Of course, there is no practical basis to prove that these things work and this tradition has either fallen out of favour or been replaced by a simplified and updated version. However, if you find something that DOES bring you good fortune, we would love to know!
Being “Given Away”
A lot of brides still like to walk down the aisle with their father or a significant male in their lives but the idea of being “given away” is as outdated as men having ownership over women…. eeeew again!
And, that is exactly where this tradition comes from.
Disturbingly recently in history, women were considered the charge of their father, or in his absence, the next nearest male relative (yikes).
Women were generally deemed to only have a very narrow purpose, to look after their home and husband and to produce children to further their “husband’s line”. Aside from this, they were often considered a burden as they needed to be fed and housed.
This is not to say all men viewed women this way but this was the consensus of society at the time. It was important for a woman, and her family, that she made a good marriage, and her father would often be in charge of setting this up.
Thankfully these days the act of being walked down the aisle by one or more of your parents or another important person in your life is seen more as a show of support rather than a “handing over”. We love having the fam involved in your ceremony.
There is also the option to scrap the walk down the aisle altogether. This can be a good choice for those with difficult family circumstances or who feel uncomfortable with this tradition.
Why not just dance down with the people you love or incorporate a new tradition instead?!
A group of friends dancing in a tipi wedding with a cool bride wearing a jumpsuit
Honeymoon
The tradition of the honeymoon is probably one of the favourite traditions still followed today, after all a holiday is needed after all the planning and excitement of the big day!
But, where did this tradition come from?
Well, that’s up for debate.
Some sources say it comes from a time when grooms would steal their brides, taking them away to a safe location far from her angry family. They would only come back once the bride’s family had calmed down or the bride was pregnant, “legitimising their marriage”.
Other stories say it comes from the idea that a newly married couple would spend the first month (or cycle of the moon) drinking honey mead, considered an aphrodisiac, and trying to conceive.
It’s safe to say the idea was that the honeymoon was when a newly married couple would try to get a start on a family of their own.
These days, a honeymoon can be whatever you want it to be. We love the idea of an island getaway, a full-on jungle adventure, or some time spent at home doing the things you love.
Whatever you decide to do there are some great websites to help you fund your honeymoon, like Patchwork. To find out more check out them out here.
A silhouette of a coupe touching hands whilst riding their bikes with a pink sunset in the background
The traditions you choose to keep or cut from your wedding are authentically your own. Make it the day that you and your partner want it to be, and have fun!